Feeling Truly Free
I have written down all the past harmful acts I have done and the secrets connected to them. Through this part of the course I have managed to think about, write down and confront all of the actions, behaviors and deceit through which I had caused harm to myself, others, loved ones and society as a whole. Instead of carrying the shame associated with these events, I have now confronted them, forgiven myself and let them go.
I used to carry these memories around and continuously get stuck in these past memories, which would then drag me down to a feeling of despondency and unworthiness. It was impossible for me to feel present and to stay there. Since finishing writing down all these harmful acts, I feel the opposite has occurred. I not only feel continually present, but also have a sense of feeling free and truly awake and happy. For the last week, I have been sleeping better than I ever have and for once in my life, I have not been plagued by dreams of alcohol, conflict and past events and people. That is a first!
I'm also now highly aware of the ripple effects that seemingly small secrets and harmful acts can have on my life and that of others. I am now in a place within myself where I feel connected and worthy of people in my environment. I feel I have my integrity, dignity, self-respect and pride back in place.
Feeling happily stuck in the present!!! :)
To preserve privacy, the photo does not show an actual Narconon student or graduate.